Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
