Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
