Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
