I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
