dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
