he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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