Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
