Dual....:-)
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
