there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
