I wish you could order shots online.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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