Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
