I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
