..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
