i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize