Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
