hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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