Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
