How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
