I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
