If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
