I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
