it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
