I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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