I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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