he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
