You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
