Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sorry about my life...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
