I don't remember. Are we still dating?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
