How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
