I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
