I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize