Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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