That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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