I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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