he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
