yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
