how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
