My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
