WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
