Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want a musical about memes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize