I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize