yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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