My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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