yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dicks are not precious.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
