Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize