saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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