There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
