I hate all girls vehemently.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
