Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
