He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
