It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
