a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We need a shit load of segways right now
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
