he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
