Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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