i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
