you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
