Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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