I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
