So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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