Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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