Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
