A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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