I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
