my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So much Jack, so little girl.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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