my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
