It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
