what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
