just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
