You really coming over, don't trick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
