Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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